I feed my dog on a plate instead of using a bowl. When she finishes eating, she licks the plate until it’s nice and shiny. It’s so clean that I have begun letting her lick my plate clean. She does such a good job that I don’t even have to wash the plates. I just put them back in the cabinet until it’s time for the next meal.

I met an attractive female recently, and I invited her to my home for dinner. Before I brought out the food, she commented on how bright and shiny the plates were. I said, “Don’t thank me; thank my dog.” “What do you mean?”, she asked. So I explained to her my new way of cleaning my plates. Hoping to impress her, I said, “See how thrifty I am; I use far less soap and water than I used to use!” She promptly got up, gave me a dirty look, got in her car, and left. I haven’t heard from her since then, and she won’t answer the phone when I call her. I just don’t understand women!